Talk With Your Kids Month: no one ever said it was easy…

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Talk With Your Kids Month: no one ever said it was easy…

October is “Talk with your kids” month, and we encourage you to consider the wide number of intersecting topics that affect our understanding of human sexuality, and how we communicate these complexities to our children. 

In order to be comprehensive, sex education needs to cover many, many subjects, but we  can’t do it all at once. And it’s okay to focus on one thing at a time. A focus is not an exclusion. Just because we might be thinking and learning about Intersex Awareness issues on Oct 26, for example, doesn’t mean we can’t make connections between intersex identities and what we know, or want to learn, about mental health, or periods, or vasectomies, or AIDS, or menopause.

read on for a list of awareness days in the month of October that could inspire a conversation:


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Kids and Crushes: Some Guidelines for Navigating Big Feelings in Little Ones

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Kids and Crushes: Some Guidelines for Navigating Big Feelings in Little Ones

We debuted a brand new workshop this month for a school whose elementary teachers wanted to get on the same page about young children with crushes, and healthy ways to respond. Lots of parents, caregivers, and educators have seen this social development, somewhere between preschool and 5th or 6th grade: having a crush, liking someone, maybe wanting to marry them, and then frequently a change of feelings and a new interest. It’s perfectly normal, at any age, and yes we agree that it’s often unbelievably cute. But the feelings are real and can be potent, so it’s important for trusted adults to not dismiss or minimize them—take advantage of the opportunity to affirm, normalize, build trust, and teach consent.

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"Everybody, Every Body": More Than Sex-Ed Publishes Our First Book!

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"Everybody, Every Body": More Than Sex-Ed Publishes Our First Book!

More than Sex-Ed is proud to say we are publishing a perfect read-aloud book for children and their favorite adults. With your help we can get this book out in the new year!

“Everybody, Every Body” is a colorful picture book that explores what it means to live in a body, and celebrates—in a child-friendly way—the range of wonderful feelings and experiences our bodies can give us.  It also gently nudges adult readers to support their child’s developing sense of bodily autonomy, consent, and the right to personal space. 

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"It's Sex Ed!?! And MY Kids?!?"

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"It's Sex Ed!?! And MY Kids?!?"

Right now there’s a bunch of misinformation traveling through Californian parenting circles about what our state actually requires regarding sex-ed in schools.

 We get it. What other topic causes this kind of gnarly gut twisting parental discomfort?

But at More Than Sex-Ed we take our mission to support parents and guardians in their role as primary sexuality educators for their children very seriously. We recognize the widely varying perspectives parents have regarding sexuality and values.

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When Parents Don't See Eye-to-Eye About Sex-Ed

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When Parents Don't See Eye-to-Eye About Sex-Ed

Co-parents don’t always agree on what is age appropriate for their child. This can be particularly delicate when the topic of age-appropriate sex education comes up. In my experience as a sex educator, the “how young is too young?” type of question is often the first question parents have about their children's sexual education.

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From the Huffington Post: "How Sex Educators Talk to Their Sons About Consent"→

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From the Huffington Post: "How Sex Educators Talk to Their Sons About Consent"

It is abundantly clear that as a society we still have lots of work to do on the topic of Consent. 

We really love this article by Caroline Bologna in the Huffington Post: "How Sex Educators Talk to Their Sons About Consent", and highly recommend you give it a read.

No matter the gender of the kids you may or may not have, the advice is spot on. Here's a couple of important points:

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When Did Porn Become Sex-Ed? Why healthy conversation about sexuality is the antidote.

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When Did Porn Become Sex-Ed? Why healthy conversation about sexuality is the antidote.

The challenge for parents today is to put sexuality into the context of values. We need to acknowledge that porn is easy to access. And that it doesn't depict real relationships. Porn is the fantasy that the porn producer creates. No more real than the story telling that occurs in all kinds of TV shows and movies. "Family Guy" is not a great primer on healthy family dynamics, and PornHub is not helping anyone learn to be a better lover.

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Peer pressure and parental influence

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Developmentally, the mere presence of peers is a huge influence on adolescent behavior, and compels teens to engage in riskier behavior than they would on their own. Teens don’t even need to be “pressured” into risk taking.[1] This tendency has huge repercussions when we look at teen sexual behavior, which is why our workshops include kids of all genders. We normalize speaking honestly and clearly about sex. With peer group learning, we can tame that overwhelming teen suspicion that everyone else knows more, has done more, and is way cooler.

Kids learn that, in fact, most Los Angeles high schoolers are not having sexual intercourse.[2] Kids learn that consent must be clearly communicated with any sexual behavior. Kids practice graciously taking no for an answer. Without judging others, kids learn that abstaining from sexual intercourse is the safest choice for teens, but we also teach the facts of protecting yourself and your partner in any future encounters.

We teach that parents are the primary educators when it comes to sexuality education—and when parents say nothing at all, that sends a powerful message, too. We support parent involvement. Parents who communicate their values with their kids positively influence teens to make less risky sexual behavior choices.[3] Despite the awkwardness on both sides, we encourage parents and teens to talk honestly about sex, sexuality, and values.

 

1 Chein, J., Albert, D., O’Brien, L., Uckert, K. and Steinberg, L. (2011), Peers increase adolescent risk taking by enhancing activity in the brain’s reward circuitry. Developmental Science, 14: F1–F10. doi: 10.1111/j.1467-7687.2010.01035.x

2 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, (1991–2013), National High School YRBS Data Files

3 Miller, Brent C., (1998), Families Matter: A Research Synthesis of Family Influences on Adolescent Pregnancy