The Questions Students Are Asking — and why they’re important! By Guest Blogger Sam Joson
/The Question Box
More Than Sex-Ed (MTSE) gives students the opportunity to ask questions anonymously after each class session. Sure, there’s always a fair number of troll questions, but most of them truly show the different ways young people are learning to move through the world.
A middle schooler with long brown hair raises their hand to ask a question in class.
Believe it or not, some kids are seeing explicit online content for the first time as young as 11 years old. And when many kids even younger than that have easy access to the internet, it’s more important now than ever to hold space for them to ask questions.
In teen brain development, says Emmalinda MacLean, Director of Curriculum and Instruction at MTSE, “the process of asking the question and the confidence building exercise of saying the words with their own mouth in the presence of their peers is protective and skill building.”
She says giving young people the chance to ask questions and vocalize words like penis, vagina, and consent, in a group of their peers will hopefully prepare them before they ever need to voice their boundaries in a potentially sexually charged situation.
“It's about the chance to build up the confidence to talk about it,” says MacLean.
Below, we explore the kinds of questions students are asking by grade level and why it’s important to pay attention to what they want to know.
5th grade
When are we going to talk about female development? Like when to get Bras, Stuff about puberty?
What changes do people experience during puberty?
How old should you be when you start dating?
If you don't mind me asking, I was wondering how you determined your sexualities?
Relationships and puberty are huge themes in the questions we get from 5th graders. Usually the question box is filled with questions asking about body changes from puberty, when the right time to start dating is, how to determine sexuality, and other similar ideas.
Although questions from younger students may seem simple, MacLean says that educators from MTSE always “try to affirm that they are expressing totally developmentally appropriate feelings or reactions to what is normally a taboo subject. We don't want to put any shame on that.”
6th grade
How do you find out your sexuality? I wanna know more about how they work because I am back to questioning my sexuality and pronouns.
What is the best thing to do if your friend sends you a pornhub link.And is pornhub legal for people under the age of 18?
What does send nudes mean?
Since sexuality can be varied and complicated, how can we, as pre-teens, figure out what we are, who we like, and our identity?
6th graders seem to want to know more about sex. They are clearly learning about it through people around them — likely older family members or peers — and are now asking questions like "What is a boner?" or "What happens if someone sends you a pornhub link?"
5th graders mostly asked about when it's ok to start dating, but by 6th grade they were already curious about more "mature" relationship topics.
“In younger grades, there is definitely a lot of wondering. That is, worded in 1000 different ways, but it's wondering, do humans really do this? Just trying to understand what it means to be a human. That's a valid curiosity,” MacLean says.
7th and 8th grade
If someone threatens to rape you but it's obviously a joke, would you be allowed to be offended? Even if you laughed after as if it was a joke because you were uncomfortable, how would you confront them after?
Can you get over your insecurities?
What should someone our age (Or Not) do when they are being pressured to send nudes? And the person pressuring them says something like: "Or else I won't talk to you"?
I know you have answered this many times before but, what is a good way to come out of the closet? I'm sure no one will be angry or upset about coming out but for me it's just hard at the moment.
Why is it important to have many different forms of contraception? Why can't there just be a few? It confused me to learn about all of them.
By 7th and 8th grade, many students are asking questions about how they could come out, what kinds of contraception are available, and touching on serious topics like sexual assault or sexual coercion.
It might seem surprising that young teens are already asking about such heavy topics, but it’s important to address their concerns since they’re about to enter their later teenage years — an age where they may be dating or having sex for the first time.
“There are a lot of times when a question is disguised as something else, but what it really is is asking permission,” MacLean says. The most common example, according to her, is questions like, “What is the average age teenagers have sex?”
“We want to be really, really mindful to never even give a whiff of an appearance of giving permission. What I will tell classrooms full of teens is that the research shows when they've done surveys of teenagers and adults about their first time, the longer someone waits, the less likely they are to regret it,” Maclean says.
11th and 12th grade
I know someone who doesn't know they have been sexually assaulted, but has told me details that make the instance sexual assault. I think she wants to refuse the fact she was assaulted because it was by her long term boyfriend. She doesn't want to believe that it was assault, but it was. How does one approach a situation where they don't want to believe it? Does this make sense? Or turn a blind eye to it.
How do you go about entering a relationship if you have an HSV (herpes 1 or 2)?
When both partners are female, how do they have protected sex?
What if my partner refuses to wear protection because he says he does not fit
Would it be bad to ask your partner to get tested if you want to be sexually active? I feel like it would scare partners away.
The oldest students, 11th and 12th graders, ask pretty serious and important questions covering topics like sexual assault, STI status and testing, and more. Considering juniors and seniors are usually at an age where they may be going to college in the near future, as well as entering their young adult years, it’s important that these questions are addressed in a safe, nonjudgmental environment.
When older students ask these kinds of questions, it can be tempting to try to tell them what to do, but MacLean advises against it. Instead, she makes sure to give them the correct legal and medical information pertaining to what they are asking.
“We want them to feel supported in figuring out what feels right for them, and we can do that by providing them information,” says MacLean. “We're not here to tell you what to do. Just here's some legal and medical info and some facts that might help, as your brain has not fully formed its frontal cortex decision making judgment capacity yet.”
Tips:
If you have young people in your life, MacLean has tips for answering questions they may ask you.
“I would definitely say asking open ended questions and being sure that you are checking your own judgments and assumptions. And really listening,” MacLean says.
When it comes down to it, allowing young people to ask questions about the world is about more than just making sure they have all the information they need to make healthy, educated choices for their bodies — It’s also about providing time and space for them to explore what it means to grow up, and to learn and grow from their mistakes.
“I think that our culture can be really disrespectful to kids sometimes. And young people need so badly to be listened to. Literally, the process of talking about what you're thinking and feeling is beneficial to figuring out how to sort through emotions in the future,” says MacLean. “The adolescent brain is learning how to do that emotional cognitive work. And when an adult talks over them, you're telling them I don't believe in your ability to sort through your emotions and navigate your relationships.”
